No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
