why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
