well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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