It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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