I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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