this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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