If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
