Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
