I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
