Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
