dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
