If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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