I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize