my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
