YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
