My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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