let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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