I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
