Only a mothe r could love this liver
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
