he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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