Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry about my life...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
