I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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