i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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