I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
