Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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