I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
