Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
