I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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