i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
