cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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