You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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