so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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