This is not my ceiling
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
