Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
