That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
