tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
