i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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