Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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