Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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