I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
