Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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