my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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