My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
