I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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