Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize