I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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