this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
