then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
