maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
