i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
