what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
