I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
