Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
