that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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