We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
