You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
