New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
