Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
