fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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