Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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