i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
