Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
