just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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