Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
