I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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