Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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