I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
