Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
