you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
