Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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