I'm pants shitting drunk right now
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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