I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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