Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
