What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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