So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
