I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
