By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
