i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
